Final Fantairy Tales
by mizperceived
Summary: Random FFVII Drabble series centering around various characters and a fairy tale. Ratings from K-T. Read, Laugh, Review and place on alert! Fifth fairy tale is up! More Remnant love! Please see A/N at bottom of chapter.
1. Rapunzel

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or settings therein. They are the sole creative property of SquareEnix. I do however own my insanity and perversity.  
Title: Final Fantairy Tales (Final Fantasy Fairy Tales)  
Warnings: crack! AU! OCC-ness, language… each short will have its own warnings. (none for this one) From K-T  
Stars: Changes from story to story (Sephiroth, Genesis, Angeal and Zack for this one)  
Summary: This idea has been kicking around in my mind for a while… but just now getting it together.

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**Oh Sephiroth! Sephiroth! Let Down Your Hair!

* * *

**

"No."

"Why not?" Genesis asked for what had to be the tenth time that day.

"My hair… is not for other people's enjoyment, Genesis," Sephiroth sighed wearily.

"Sephiroth," Angeal cut in, "it is for a good cause…"

"Oh?"

"Yessss," Zack chimed in. "It's for the Children's Center down at Midgar General. Some of us SOLDIERs put on a show for the kids whenever we get a chance."

"That is… very honorable," Sephiroth nodded and let a slight smile grace his lips.

He was actually quite proud of his men when he was informed that the 3rd and 2nd Class SOLDIERs had taken it upon themselves to show this kindness and give up their precious free time to bring joy to some children. He ignored the minor pang of jealousy that he felt, he should not begrudge the infirm children because of his own desolate up bringing.

"It is and this time they asked for a specific fairy tale! One that only YOU could star in Sephy," Genesis added as his sidled up to the Silver General.

"But does it have to be Rapunzel though?"

"Yes," everyone collectively laughed as Sephiroth started to protectively pet his hair.

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A/N: Like I said... I get some STRANGE ideas and this "drabble" series keeps popping in and out of my head when I can't get a feel for one of the other things I need to be working on. Doesn't help that it is now 2 a.m. and I just finished watching Tangled. TOO CUTE! (that wasn't the first fairy tale that I thought to write by the way)

Well, I hope you enjoy... reviews are much appreciated, throw an alert if you'd like too!


	2. Cinderella

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or settings therein. They are the sole creative property of SquareEnix. I do however own my insanity and perversity.  
Title: Final Fantairy Tales (Final Fantasy Fairy Tales)  
Warnings: crack! AU! OCC-ness, language… each short will have its own warnings. (none for this one) From K-T  
Stars: Changes from story to story (Guess who!)  
Summary: This idea has been kicking around in my mind for a while… but just now getting it together.

* * *

**If the Shoe Fits**

* * *

"I know I've nailed the lead in the big production this year!" Genesis crowed as he twirled in to Angeal's office.

Commander Hewley looked up from the small mountain of reports that was spread across his desk and sighed wearily as Genesis moved about in the too tiny office.

"What is the production this year? Hamlet? Midgar Man on Ice?" Angeal asked before a look of dawning horror crawled across his countenance. "Please for the love of Gaia, say it is not LOVELESS!"

"It is not," Genesis rolled his eyes at his childhood best friend. "Really Angeal, it's not that bad."

"I agree, LOVELESS isn't but having to hear someone repeat it day in and day out, over and over and over again can drive a man to murder!

"Guess I shouldn't have introduced The Puppy to it eh?" Genesis smirked cheekily.

"First you, now him. I swear I'm going to go grey before I'm twenty-five. Tch, anyways what is this theatrical masterpiece that you so sure to be the star in?"

"Well, this year the committee decided to try something different. We're not doing a normal run of the mill play. It's a musical. It's a fairytale. It's CINDERELLA!" Genesis cheered as he spread his arms out wide and beamed.

"Cinder… I assume you'd be playing the handsome prince?" Angeal smirked, quite proud that he was able to pinpoint the role of a lifetime for his best friend.

"Prince? What? No, how dreadfully boring. I am going to play Cinderella!"

Genesis ignored the pained expression on Angeal's face as he pushed himself up to sit on Angeal's desk, tossing a replica Banora White apple from hand to hand.

"This role could lead to so much more for me. You know I've been dying to get in on the next production of LOVELESS. "

"True. Okay so if you're playing Cinder," Angeal paused to pinch the bridge of his nose. The thought of Genesis in a sparkling blue ball gown was slowly burning into his memories and he knew no amount of therapy would erase it from his mind. "If you've got that role, who, pray tell is playing the handsome prince?"

"You are," At the look of utter horror on Angeal's face, Genesis cracked and laughed slightly. "I'm kidding. They want a man not a beast. Tseng is playing the prince and Heide is playing the King."

"Wouldn't Scarlett have been a more appropriate Cinderella, I mean she has the… the…," Angeal was at a loss for words so he just settled for pantomiming the blonde's visible assets.

"You would think," Genesis nodded, "but she suffers from debilitating stage fright. Anyways, enough of work! Let's grab your lapdog and go out and celebrate."

"Zack is not a lapdog and please don't bring up that nickname in front of him. He doesn't know." Genesis smirked evilly as his best friend blushed.

**xXx**

"Hey guys!"

Genesis rolled his eyes as Angeal's smile lit up his face as the sound of Zack Fair's voice reached their ears.

"Who let the dogs out?" Genesis muttered before Angeal discreetly elbowed him in the ribs.

"Zack," Angeal greeted his student warmly. "What brings you around here?

"I have great news! My best friend just got cast in this year's ShinRa production!"

"That's wonderful," Angeal said as he looked towards Genesis. "Isn't it Gen?"

"Oh hi sir," Zack flushed before turning back to Angeal. "Yeah, apparently Cloud made a huge impression on the director."

"An impression… on Sephiroth?" Genesis scoffed. Zack eyed the redhead warily before pressing on with the breaking news.

"Yes sir, they just released the actors and the roles they will be playing," the 2nd Class said as he fished a folded up paper from his pockets. Genesis snatched the paper out of the teen's hand as he scanned the document. "So, Cloud Strife, a cadet, is gonna be playin Cinderella! Ain't that cool?"

Angeal looked up in horror at Zack before glancing at Genesis. "Zack, I think it's best if you leave."

"But…"

"Now, SOLDIER."

Zack didn't question Angeal a second time. Especially not when he saw the fire ball growing from Genesis' palm.

"Gen?" Angeal asked softly. "How bad is it?"

"He cast me… as… an ugly step-sister," Genesis said too calmly as he turned to stare down Angeal. "An. Ugly. FUCKING. STEP-SISTER!"

Genesis began to storm off in the direction of the training areas before turning back and getting into Angeal's face.

"You tell that… that… NINCOMPOOP to meet me in the training room, RIGHT NOW!"

With that, Genesis once again disappeared from Angeal's sight, leaving the stoic 1st to shake his head.

"Well," he thought as he looked at the picture of the cadet next to his name on the roster, "betcha he'll look good in a dress."

"I HEARD THAT," Genesis yelled from across the building.

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**_A/N: And THAT is the real reason behind the infamous sparring match between Genesis and Sephiroth in Crisis Core. Ok, not really but it could have happened… right? =)_**

**Read, Laugh, Review, Fav and drop me a pm on what Fairy Tale you'd like to see given the FF7 treatment. (Or which one to turn into a complete story)_  
_**


	3. Snow White 1st Version

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or settings therein. They are the sole creative property of SquareEnix. I do however own my insanity and perversity.  
Title: Final Fantairy Tales (Final Fantasy Fairy Tales)  
Warnings: crack! AU! OCC-ness, language… each short will have its own warnings. This one: some manly flirting and bad puns. teehee!  
Stars: Changes from story to story (Guess who!)

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**The Fairest of Them All**

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Genesis twisted around to try to look at his back in the floor length mirror in the training room. Admiring his lithe form in the wall to wall mirrors, Genesis pulled out his ever present Banora apple.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall… who is the fairest of them all?" Genesis smirked as he flicked hair out of his eyes with his free hand.

"You called Gen?"

"It's Commander Rhapsodos and I don't believe I used a dog whistle Zack," Genesis barely spared Second Class Zack Fair a glance.

"You did ask for the 'fairest of them all', right?" he asked as he moved to put his body in between Genesis and the mirrors. "Low and behold, here I am," he flexed his still growing muscles.

At this Genesis spared the teen a second and third glance.

"Well, well puppy… those extra training sessions seem to be helping you," Genesis purred, his eyes sparkling with a mischievous glint.

Zack turned his head away as he felt a blush forming across his cheeks. Slightly uncomfortable with the piercing gaze of the fiery first, the ravenette scratched the back of his head as he shuffled sideways to put more room between himself and the SOLDIER.

"So uh," he stammered, "I heard you dropped out of the showcase."

"Let us be honest with each other, Zachary," Genesis purred as he sauntered closer towards the teen. "Do you think I should lower myself to play an ugly step sister? Hm?"

"N-no."

"I didn't think so. I should be playing the lead," the redhead huffed.

"Well," Genesis glared when Zack piped up but the ravenette didn't notice the daggers the redhead was glaring at him. "Cloud's really good in the part. It's perfect for him." Realizing his faux pas Zack quickly amended his statement, "I mean it's obvious that you would have been too good for the part. If you had the lead, people would be too enthralled by your presence to really appreciate how wonderful of an actor you are."

Zack beamed as Genesis turned away with a smug look on his face.

"That is true. No one fully appreciates how wonderful I am," Genesis crooned as Zack rolled his eyes at the statement. "But still, it should have been mine," the redhead said fiercely as he lifted up his apple to emphasize his point.

"Well, it's still too bad you decided to drop out. Your part was also the understudy for the lead," Zack offhandedly remarked as he reached for Genesis' apple. "Hey, where can I get one of those? Cloud loves apples and I think he would love to try one. Oh, hold that thought," Zack said as he reached for his now ringing cell phone. "It's Angeal, I gotta take this. I'll see you around?"

Genesis slightly leered at the hunky teen before remembering himself and just flipped his hand in a non-committal gesture.

"Understudy, hmm." Genesis let his mind wander at the revelation as he tossed his apple up and caught it deftly before repeating the action over and over. Then like a bird smacking into a clear glass window the idea slammed into him.

Snatching the ripe Banoran apple mid-air; he twist and turned it around in his palm. There was only one person that could help him with this.

"Hojo," he sneered and he stormed off to the elevators intending to track the elusive scientist down deep in the dungeons –basement- of the ShinRa Tower.

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_**A/N:** _This is the first of two planned versions of Snow White. Up next though? Jack and the Beanstalk or Goldilocks and the Three Silver-Haired Men err Bears. Heehee!_ (FYI: The style will also shift for a few fairy tales. I've been playing off of the theme of the classic stories to fit our favorite men from FF7 but let's put them IN the fairy tale, shall we?)_

_Thank you everyone who has reviewed, fav'd and placed on alerts. =) You… are… AWESOME! _  
_If you review and I haven't responded to you personally yet, it's because this site hates me and I have no idea if I'm getting reviews or hits to any of my published work. =/_


	4. The Lion King

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or settings therein. They are the sole creative property of SquareEnix. I do however own my insanity and perversity. I gain no profit from this endeavor, I will however eventually gain carpal tunnel syndrome.  
Title: Final Fantairy Tales (Final Fantasy Fairy Tales)  
Warnings: CRACK! AU! OCC-ness, language… each short will have its own warnings. This one: Blatant abuse of canon and timeline. (Let's just now list this as AU, eh?) (Remnant is now officially their surnames too…)  
Stars: Changes from story to story (Guess who!)

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**Kadaj is Working on His Roar!**

* * *

Upon on a desert cliff overlooking the city of Midgar and the shiny ShinRa tower stood three lone men. Three silver haired brothers, clad in black leather stood close together, peering over the edge into the unknown. They had traveled from afar for a special purpose.

"Say, Kadaj, is that where Big Brother is performing in his first starring role?" Yazoo asked in a bored tone.

"Yeah," the youngest Remnant cheered. Kadaj was the young, in his mid-teens with his silver hair constantly falling into his eyes, his chubby cherub like cheeks stood proud with his elder brothers beside him.

"Think he can get us Genesis' autograph?" Yazoo, the middle child was to his right; he was the vision of an angel. Long silver locks flowed down to the middle of his back as he stood with an aloof expression on his face.

"Not a chance," Kadaj said bitterly.

"But tickets are still available?" Yazoo inquired as he examined his perfectly manicured nails virtually through his thick gloves.

"Probably not," the youngest said sourly causing the eldest and most sensitive Remnant child to moan in despair, almost on the verge of tears.

"Don't cry, Loz" Yazoo teased.

Loz, the eldest, though not lacking in the looks department with his swept back old time rock and roll hair-do was the most childlike in nature and temperament. His brawn belied his true gentle nature.

Suddenly feeling bad for constantly teasing Loz and not Kadaj, Yazoo turned to his eldest brother with an evil glint in his emerald colored eyes.

"Hey Loz, does this place look familiar to you?"

"Huh?"

"That place from your bedtime movie," Yazoo teased.

"OHMAHGAIA! IT'S HONOR LEDGE!" Loz screamed. "Wanna play Yazzy?"

"No, but I think Kadaj does," Yazoo smirked as he saw Loz get excited over having the chance to play with his youngest brother.

Kadaj, ignoring his siblings, was busy scanning the horizon and checking his phone. He had entered a contest earlier that morning with the local radio station for a chance to win three tickets to opening night of the show but he had to wait for the trivia question to be announced before he could call in.

Singing 'It's the wavy flow of the Life Stream!' in an extremely off-key voice, Loz snuck up behind his baby brother. Loz lifted Kadaj up from under his arm pits and held him up into the direct rays of the noon sun.

"What the hell," the teen screeched as he clawed at his brother's hands. "Put me down you big oaf! Now dammit!"

"Language Kadaj," Yazoo attempted to scold but it had no effect as the middle Remnant was occupied with wiping tears of mirth from his eyes.

Loz, sensing that Kadaj was upset and fearing that he hurt his younger brother tried to pull the teen into a hug but was batted away by a very angry Remnant.

"Stop that," Kadaj said irritably as he noticed a biker approaching in the distance. "Hey, a ticket seller is coming."

"How do you know," Yazoo sneered.

"I just do!" the youngest growled as he stamped his foot.

"C'mon Yaz," Loz cheered as they hopped on their motorcycles, driving down the cliff to attack –err ask- the gentlemen if he had tickets to the big show in Midgar.

Soon as the boys left Kadaj alone a message played on the radio. It was the trivia question he was waiting on.

_**~ Remember folks, we're looking for the answer in a form of a question. Here is your clue: Your mother's location. We're taking the first caller with the correct answer! ~**_

"I know this!" Kadaj crowed as he flipped his phone opened and punched in the numbers for the radio station. It rang and rang until finally it was answered.

"Your answer?" the voice asked.

"What I'm completely oblivious to?"

"Wrong answer." *click*

Kadaj looked at the phone for a second before immediately dialing again, hoping he could come up with another answer. But it was to no avail; suddenly an announcement broke through the song playing.

_**~ Ladies and Gentlemen of Midgar we have our winner. Sir, what's your name and your answer? My name is Rufus Shinra and the question is 'What a good son would know?'" ~**_

Kadaj grabbed his hair and roared in frustration before a mask of cold and calculating calm fell upon his face. Heading down the ledge he flagged down his brothers.

"Did you win the tickets?" Loz asked.

"No. Some Shinra guy did. Apparently winning contests is something he's very good at," he said as he narrowed his eyes dangerously. "C'mon, we'll just sneak in the backdoor."

Kadaj didn't wait for his brothers as he rode off at full speed towards Midgar. Towards the Tower, towards their Big Brother's opening night performance of Cinderella.

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A/N: In the words of Lucrecia… I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. I apologize for the bad jokes and not delivering on the tale I promised. (It's coming though so have no fear!)  
I have been working on two other fairy tales but seriously have you tried to tell Kadaj no? It just doesn't happen. *pinches the bridge of my nose*

_**Thank you so much to everyone who has left a review and those strong silent types that have put this on alert and added this series to their favorites. Hopefully this chapter doesn't disappoint… too much. Gaia save me from the Remnants. **_


	5. Goldilocks and the Three Bears

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or settings therein. They are the sole creative property of SquareEnix. I do however own my insanity and perversity. I gain no profit from this endeavor, I will however eventually gain carpal tunnel syndrome.  
Title: Final Fantairy Tales (Final Fantasy Fairy Tales)  
Warnings: CRACK! AU! OCC-ness, language… each short will have its own warnings. This one: Blatant abuse of canon and timeline. (Let's just now list this as AU, eh?) (Remnant is now officially their surnames too…) there is a teeny tiny hint of yaoi in here… but not really. Fluff and Angst! Flust?  
Stars: Changes from story to story (Guess who!)

* * *

**Goldie Spikes and the Three Remnants**

* * *

Cloud was shocked beyond belief when his three foster brothers showed up on his doorstep just days before opening night of Cinderella **A RUFUS SHINRA PRODUCTION ALL RIGHTS RESERVED**. The relationship he had with the three young men differed as much as the three silver-haired teens' personalities differed.

The blonde's relationship to the eldest Remnant boy, teen err man was really a reverse relationship. Loz looked up to Cloud as if the man; who was several years younger than he; was a father figure. Loz always went to Cloud for comfort when he was scared or for answers to questions that he had. Loz's younger brothers were notorious for torturing their older brother when he wasn't sure about something. Cloud showed him patience when he spoke. The young blonde cadet also had just a vivid imagination as Loz and they had a blast playing with Loz's action figure collection. The tall silver haired male never made it an issue that Cloud insisted on pretending to be General Sephiroth all the time.

Kadaj, the youngest Remnant, and Cloud hardly got along. For a reason known only to the juvenile silverette, he had a strong jealousy streak when it came to the docile blonde. On a few occasions when their fights escalated from Kadaj screeching vile words at the blonde to a near fistfight, the others had a hard time separating them. It was quickly apparent that their foster mother, Jenova, favored Cloud above the other three boys and it was the main reason why Kadaj resented the young man. Loz disagreed with this in his own way. He felt that it was because Cloud was just a better person, who also believed that you were able to jump hundred story buildings in a single bound at the same time as evading an entire army of gunmen firing at you with deadly aim. Kadaj, Loz had once said, had no imagination, that all he ever would be is a crybaby mama's boy. Loz slept in Cloud's room that night, the blonde helping his older brother nurse a black eye.

The middle Remnant, Yazoo, shared everything with Cloud. From clothes to food to secrets, and often rumored… a bed. (gasp!) The two boys were closest in age and had grown up together as bestest friends. Cloud had an easy relationship with this brother. Both of them were quiet young men, introspective yet curious. It was clear to everyone that their brotherly bond ran deep.

**xXx**

Cloud looked at the tangle of limbs and sheets that greeted him when he walked into the living room of his best friend, Zack Fair and sighed. His brother's unexpected arrival threw him for a loop. He loved his brothers dearly but their presence reminded him of all that he left behind and why. He wanted to provide for them, give them everything that they didn't have growing up together and here he was still a grunt in the ShinRa Army and about to put on a dress to entertain a bunch of strangers in a few days.

"What a hero I turned out to be," he muttered to himself as he sat down on the airbed Zack had thoughtfully provided for his brothers to rest on.

"It's okay brother," Yazoo whispered as he snuggled closer; seeking Cloud's warmth. "I think you're just right."

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_**A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who has left a review and those strong silent types that have put this on alert and added this series to their favorites. Hopefully this chapter doesn't disappoint… too much. Gaia save me from the Remnants. **_

_**Jack and the Beanstalk is on hold until further notice. I really want to play out this mini plot line of Cloud staring in Cinderella so yeah. The next fairy tale that will be posted with also feature the Remnants and… **_

_***hears the Turks theme***_

_**Reno.**_


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